The messy process of reclamation.
Tr0g fired off a couple of posts about reclaiming That F-slur the other day. Weirdly timed was an unrelated complaint by an acquaintance about not being able to use that word (which does of course have other meanings) in many word puzzles because it is usually, unsurprisingly, a banned term.
It's a weird situation. In the States (certainly in Texas), it largely only has one meaning -- it's derogatory and intensely so. Appeals from Americans to "bundle of sticks!" or "sausage!" are usually bad-faith attempts to cover one's ass from coming off as a bigot. In other places, however... it does have some of those other meanings, and it's not unsurprising to learn that someone could grow up with that word just having one meaning which is not derogatory.
Now, the acquaintance in question is a reasonable person and I'm sure they'd prefer people not be the target of slurs. They weren't advocating for that word to just be totally permissible in all meanings and contexts. It feels to me like they were just disappointed that their experience of their language was pushed out by a dominant, but external, experience. Which feels like a pretty common experience and, generalized, is something that causes a lot of problems, but is not a phenomenon I understand very well.
Another difference in experience w/r/t this is referenced in Tr0g's post. People like us grew up seeing it used as a term of abuse (and at least in my case, the most intense homo-/transphobia I personally experienced directly included it), but others -- and I suspect these are mostly younger LGBTQ people -- did not. There really has been a sea change in the general attitude towards us over the past few decades. And that is awesome! It's encouraging to know that some of us have generally not been subjected to that kind of abuse.
It's also worth noting that not everyone who wants to reclaim that term is like, just some teenager. I know people my age, even people older than me, who use that term for themselves. Sometimes they've had that word used directly against them in the past, sometimes maybe not, but they do have the experience "in the trenches" too. It's not even as if we haven't (mostly) reclaimed abusive terms too -- "queer" is pretty commonly used now. Hence, LGBTQ, queerphobia, queer studies, et cetera. And that's not even a truly answered question; some of us don't like hearing that word either.
However, all that doesn't make the f-slur less painful for me to hear. Or less off-putting. I think it's not something I could take much direct part in reclaiming. I can still pretty vividly remember being shoved around my own living room by a grown adult hurling slurs at me. And I don't really relate to reclaiming it as a personal term.
But I do get that there is value in stripping it of its power as a term of abuse. And I think that other people turning it into a positive thing for them can help to do that. I don't think that solves homophobia (and I certainly do not want that project to turn into mostly playing whack-a-mole with homophobic slurs as they crop up), but I think it is simply going to be part of the process regardless of whether or not I am comfortable with it. If nothing else, I'd rather be hearing that word be used positively by fellow LGBTQ people than negatively by those who hate us.