May 1 update.
Just checking in. I've been writing a lot but not much of it has ended up here. It's been a 50/50 split between privately journaling my feelings and writing letters to family I don't intend to ever send. I wrote by hand until I couldn't anymore, then I typed until I couldn't anymore, then I broke out the voice recorder.
I don't want to dive into things much publicly, but there was a death in the family and it's forced me to confront my relationship with that person and the rest of my family. How I feel about them, what my experiences were with them, to what extent I wish to remain in contact with them... that sort of thing. It's been difficult and draining.
I'm exhausted. My sleep schedule is thrown off. My back keeps bugging me. I don't feel like cooking much or eating anything healthy. I'm trying to stay active. I don't feel like doing much of anything. I don't feel much of anything. I still haven't really cried. I've been on Discord less. I deactivated on Bluesky. I've been trying to read Weber's The City. My FF8 playthrough has devolved into grinding.
I still experience inspiration, compassion, joy. I'm hanging in there. I'm just worn out.