Interview #3: Misha
Down to resume the interview?
Misha: I think so. Also, you might want to reconsider the term interview. It doesn't seem like it fits.
I'll consider it. It's worth considering. So, the question. What are you like?
Misha: I'm helpful. I'm hardworking. I'm caring. I thought about it for a while and I think those are all fair to say.
Knowing you, I would agree -- I think those are fair to say, even outright accurate.
Misha: I do help others, and I try to. I do work hard, and I try to. I do care about others, and I try to.
You're emphasizing "try to" deliberately, I imagine?
Misha: I think... I think it's part of how doing something makes you something. Or means you are something?
Intent matters, is what you're saying. Or is it that you do it with regularity?
Misha: Hm.
Misha: Both are important. If you help someone without intending to, you may have been helpful to them but that doesn't mean you're helpful. And if you just help out like, every so often, or only when you please, I don't think that's enough to consider you helpful either. Er, not you.
No worries, I understand what you mean. So maybe a way of thinking about it is like, "I strive to help others, and I do, thus I am helpful". With "strive" implying both intent and regularity.
Misha: I think that works.
Would you still consider yourself helpful if you strove to help others but usually could not help?
Misha: Whether I succeed or fail matters, you mean?
Does it matter to you, is what I'm asking.
Misha: Well, I think even if your hard work isn't successful, you can still be hardworking. As far as help... I don't think it's as simple as "did you help or not".
Why not?
Misha: If you try to help someone do something, and you fail... they might still appreciate that you tried to help them. They might still appreciate that someone cared enough to try.
Or they might be irritated that you offered something you couldn't deliver on.
Misha: That happens, yeah. It's important to not be careless or thoughtless when offering your help, you don't want to make a situation worse. I think you should still try when it's a good idea to try; you can't let that fear of failure prevent you from trying to help out.
So good judgment is important.
Misha: Sure. When would you want to have bad judgment?
Fair enough. Do you think it's essential?
Misha: I think it helps.
Misha: ...and I think as you get older you should get better at judging that kind of thing. I think I would still call a kid helpful if they strove to help, even if they often made mistakes.
You'd consider them helpful? Or would you just tell them that?
Misha: I'd definitely tell them that, and try to help them be better at it.
But would you consider them helpful?
Misha: ...I don't think it matters. Kids are going to fail at a lot of the things they try. I guess I would rather consider a kid helpful because they strive to help even if they fail. I think the potential is worth encouraging.
I think so too. And I'm torn between investigating this further and getting back on topic. Which would you prefer?
Misha: Investigating what, exactly?
What the value is of being accurate in considering someone helpful. Or how exact we should be in terms of that accuracy.
Misha: Would you be asking this about "hardworking-ness" or "caring-ness"?
Maybe not. But those seem like accurate labels even for someone whose hard work or care does not result in much success.
Misha: Maybe it doesn't matter as much here, either. Or at least not when it comes to kids.
But what about negative traits? Would it be correct to call someone "destructive" if they regularly tried to break things but failed to do so?
Misha: I think we should get back to the original topic: me. I wouldn't say that question is weird but I don't really know what to make of it.
Honestly, I don't either. It seems relevant to that line of thought, but I don't know where to even begin with it. Sorry.
Misha: No biggie!
So we've nailed down a few things you are: helpful, hardworking, caring. But those are all positive things. Are there any bad things about you?
Misha: Um... how about we talk about things I'm good at instead?
Oh, you don't want to talk about your flaws?
Misha: Well, not in public. I'd rather keep them to myself.
[pretending to take notes] "Secretive..."
Misha: C'mon, that's not fair.
I'm kidding. I'd hold up the legal pad and show you it's blank... but I'm not holding one.
Misha: Wow, so much for the theatre of the mind.
I don't think you're using that correctly. Or I'm not. Would a textual description of me holding up a blank legal pad have been funnier than what transpired?
Misha: Probably not.
Can I suggest something, then, if that'd be easier than you saying it?
Misha: Please. As long as it isn't mean.
I think you work too hard.
Misha: Do I? I have a lot of free time and energy. Isn't it fine if I go out of my way to help others?
Sure.
Misha: And even when I was working, it's not like I was working full-time. I had time and energy to spare.
Sure, time and energy. But I remember how you felt back then. You were stressed out. You were resentful.
Misha: ...
And those took a toll on your happiness. On your health, even.
Misha: I... you're not wrong. I was stressed out and resentful. I guess I still am, sometimes. But those people did need my help. Am I not obligated to help others?
Well, they did need help. I don't know that it had to be your help. I think we covered this earlier. You can't help everyone all the time. Maybe we did. I honestly forget.
Misha: But I could do it. And it's not like I was doing all that much.
But it was too much for you, at the time. Or at least, too much for you to do without suffering for it.
Misha: ...
You admitted you were stressed out and resentful. Let's explore one of those.
Misha: I think... I think I was resentful because I worked hard to help others and I didn't feel like it was appreciated. Like they just expected it of me.
Did they expect it of you?
Misha: ...
[After a few minutes.] Let me ask it another way. Did they expect it of you, or did you expect it of you?
Misha: [After a few minutes more.] When I was young, very little was asked of me. I was expected to do well in school and behave myself, which I usually did. Then one day, out of nowhere it was "why are you sitting there instead of helping out?", "why aren't you making yourself useful?", "why don't you know how to do this?".
You started being made to feel lazy.
Misha: I started being treated like shit because what people expected of me changed without me knowing it. And I had trouble meeting those expectations even when I realized they had changed. I didn't know how to feed animals or weed a garden. I didn't know carpentry or plumbing. I didn't know that you're expected to pitch in whenever anyone might need a hand even if they don't ask.
You're not expected "to pitch in whenever anyone might need a hand even if they don't ask".
Misha: ...
Really. Someone may have expected these things of you, and treated you poorly when you didn't meet expectations, but that was just someone. Not everyone. Let me ask this: do you think those expectations were reasonable?
Misha: No. They weren't.
And would you subject someone else to those expectations, and mistreat them if -- or rather when -- they failed?
Misha: No. I wouldn't.
(...I wouldn't be so sure.)
Misha: I heard that.
That wasn't meant for you. Please ignore that. Back on track: do you think most people would have such unreasonable expectations for others or mistreat them because they did not live up to them?
Misha: No. I would say most of the people that I have met do not act like that.
But earlier you said that you felt others just expected you to help them.
Misha: I did feel that way. I do feel that way.
Do you feel that lines up with what you said right now -- that most people do not have unreasonable expectations of you? That most people would not mistreat you if you did not meet those expectations?
Misha: I get what you mean.
Misha: Yeah, there's a disconnect. I'm feeling that they expect these things of me... but I know they probably don't. They wouldn't ask me for more than what they need or what I can reasonably provide. And if I said I can't help, they might be sad but they would probably understand. I think that's how people usually are.
I think you're correct.
Misha: So the expectation is internal. It's from me. It's my expectation.
Only you can say.
Misha: (Who's "you" here?)
I heard that.
Misha: This is wearing me out.
I'm sorry. I really did expect this to be more of a process of finding out more about each of you through these interactions. And there is that, but I'm frequently steering the conversation into... psychoanalytic territory. And dragging you along for the ride.
Misha: Such is our fate as fictional characters.
That's a Marijuana Simpsons -ass line. Christ. What are we doing?
Misha: You're taking your experiences and externalizing them as my experiences. By distancing yourself sufficiently from them, you enable yourself to analyze them as if you were a neutral observer. You are afraid of helping yourself. You think you do not deserve it. So you make it an indirect process and try to reap the benefits anyway.
You don't talk like that.
Misha: I thought doing an impression of you would help make my point.
It did. What you said implied that maybe you don't feel I can reap the full benefits through this process. That maybe I can't externalize them. That I have to see and treat them as my problems, which they are.
Misha: Well, they're mine too now. Says you, anyway. Y--
I'm keeping it that way. It's part of what makes you you. We can help each other out... or at least suffer together.
Misha: What I was about to say is that you will eventually need to do that. But I guess this can help you prepare for that. Do you think so?
Yes. But it feels a little cruel to put this on you.
Misha: Such is our fate.
Is it?
Misha: I don't think we're in any position to change it.
"Meaningless suffering cannot be understood theoretically, but must be endured in trust."
Misha: I... probably would avoid implying you're like God.
Yeah. Bad idea. Plus my motives should be possible to comprehend.
Misha: They're not meaningless, yeah. You're trying to accomplish a greater task.
It must feel asinine to see someone musing about whether or not it's right to give fictional characters painful experiences.
Misha: It's weird to see it happen right in front of me, as one.
I have a lot of thoughts about this. But like I told Mint, I think you are less fictional and more aspirational. Even those of you I don't want to be like... I want you to be like what you want to be like. I want you to learn, develop, become fulfilled.
Misha: You should put this effort toward real people.
I do put this effort toward real people. But you matter to me, too.
Misha: And it's within your power to make us happy.
It's certainly easier.
Misha: We should take a break.
Yeah. I'm thinking about who I should talk to next.
Misha: I like Tenille. She's very nice and super strong!
You like everyone, though. And I'm thinking she might be more than I can handle right now. She's very severe, you know.
Misha: Yeah, severely awesome, you mean.
I wonder if I'll feel that way. Anyway, thank you. Truly. I'm buying you ice cream.
Misha: I'm happy to help!